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In an interview he did in 2007, Peter O’Toole, that beautiful, blue eyed, scalawag actor, was asked the question, “What do you want written on your tombstone”?

He leaned back and told the story of his beloved tattered leather jacket.
He said it was soaked in sweat, covered in blood, Guinness and cornflakes?!
Which of course made it his favorite.
Eventually it went to the cleaners.
It came back with a note pinned to it, that all these years later still made him chuckle.
It read:

“It distresses us to return work which is not perfect”

That’s was his answer, and I couldn’t agree more!
Because otherwise, what’s the point!?

When I leave this mortal coil, I want to be “distressed.”
I want to show I’ve lived.
That perhaps it wasn’t a pure and “perfect” life, but dammit! It was a life well lived!

Just like his jacket, I want to be worn in, with the wrinkles and scars to prove it.
I want to be covered in sweat, and dog hair, with smeared lipstick and wine stains.
…Maybe even cornflakes!

I want unpaid parking tickets in the pockets.
Along with a motorcycle key and a wad of foreign currency.

I want the leather to smell like a combination of caramel,tobacco, Shalimar, and coffee,
I want it left on the back of a chair in George Clooney’s suite in a Paris Hotel.

I want to remain perfectly imperfect.

Then I want to be “returned to sender, postage due.”

How about you?
Xox

I had a dream last night about being a snowflake.
I was with all the other snowflakes, waiting in line to fall to earth.

It was very noisy, because us snowflakes are a chatty bunch.
We have to get it all out before we jump. 
All the gossip the complaining and the bad snowflake jokes,(they are the worst), because after we leave the cloud, we are required to remain silent.

Everyone is laughing, chewing gum and eating Red Vines, as snowflakes do, man! there’s a lot of excitement in the air.

What I can remember the most, is looking around and admiring,
well, really, I was envious of everyone else’s design.
There was such a display of individuality that it blew my little snowflake mind!

Every flake seemed to be showing their best crystals.
One was really pointed, great right angles, and deep cuts.
Another had more rounded edges, with huge cut out sections.
(Someone had obviously run with scissors)!

But what I noticed above all was that the design was a perfect match to their personality.

The outside totally matched what was inside.

What strikes me now, as I’m thinking about it, was that I was unable to see MY design. I was unable to myself.
There are apparently no full length mirrors at that point in line.

As I looked for a shiny surface, so I could catch my reflection; I began to notice I was being looked at with the same degree of admiration by the other flakes – but of course, even though I had no idea what they saw, I liked THEIR designs better than my own.

I wanted to go back to the “snowflake drawing board” and just make a couple of revisions. I was inspired. No one told me we could make a nip there, or a tuck there.

I had no idea we could be as bold as what I was observing around me.

As I got closer to the front of the line, I suddenly had this realization:

I WAS special,
I had done this many times,
I had fallen as rain,
I had pelted the earth as hail and sleet,
But now, HA!! 
Now I got to be a snowflake!
One of a kind,
Sparkling, crystalline, and magnificent!

All of the sudden things began to hush, we all became more present and very serious. We all ditched our gum under a table, gave each other big hugs, making sure not to smear our sparkles, and with a minimum of fanfare, but filled with great pride,

…We jumped. Look for me!

Merry Christmas Loves,

Xox

There come times in our lives when things suddenly change.
They go south,
The wheels fall off the cart.

But instead of becoming panicky—use your art of negotiation!

Children are masters at this.
Watch, listen and learn.
They will negotiate everything from bedtime, computer time, to eating kale.

No subject is off-limits.
If they think they can sway the situation to their advantage, high level diplomatic talks begin.

My friend calls her son Henry Kissinger.
In his world EVERYTHING is open for negotiation.
As much as this irks her, she also admires it.
He’s gotten so good, that sometimes she doesn’t realize until later, that he worked her.

No isn’t always no, it’s a very firm maybe.

Why do we lose that skill as adults?
We kinda take things at face value,
Everything’s a done deal.

If done correctly, negotiating things in life could have a ripple effect.
Using our imaginations to offer an eyelash to the tooth fairy,
so to speak, could inspire others to have that same cleverness when
things appear to go wrong, and THAT’S a world I’d like to live in!
Xox Janet

“If I have harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through my own confusions, I ask their forgiveness. If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly through their own confusions, I forgive them. And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive, I forgive myself for that. For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself, judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions, I forgive myself.”
~ A Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness

My darling Diana used this prayer in a meditation the other day
in honor of the current full moon energy.
We get together once a month to pay homage to the energy surrounding each full moon, in hopes it will kick our ass that much less.

We were talking about the inflammatory nature of the word 
Forgiveness

People will get furious and fight for their right to NOT forgive.
I would love to hear the argument for this and how it serves them in their lives.
How is staying mad and resentful working in their favor?

NOTHING is unforgivable
No Thing.
There is always a choice
The choice to stay right..and miserable,
Or the choice to be happy..and free.

Some things FEEL unforgivable, they are so horrible.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. 
It is accepting and moving on.

“Holding onto Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”
~Buddha~

I have a story that demonstrated this to me so perfectly.
I was once walking with my husband through one of those beautiful,
outdoor malls, when suddenly, I saw someone who had visited torment,
in the form of horrible verbal abuse and hugely expensive, unjustified
legal action on me.
He acts like a MEAN guy.

Immediately my blood ran cold.
I darted around him like an idiot, trying not be be seen, or breath the same air.
He on the other hand, was walking and smiling and having a perfectly lovely time with his wife.
He was fine.
I was miserable.
In my anger, resentment, and ultimately my inability to forgive him or move on,
I was hooked up to an intravenous feed of poison, that was only hurting…
ME. 

I work hard literally EVERY day to forgive this man.
And to forgive myself for attracting someone like that into my life.
The moment I met him I should have turned and run!
And I knew that! 
My bad.

Forgiveness is the scent the violet leaves on the heel that crushes it
– Mark Twain

Think about that statement. That feels so sacred to me.

I’d love to open a discussion on forgiveness.
Forgiving others, and forgiving ourselves.
Let me know your thoughts.

XoxJanet 

“A clay pot sitting in the sun will always be a clay pot. It has to go through the white heat of the furnace to become porcelain. ” 

– Mildred W. Struven

I need a show of hands, who thinks time is messing with us??
I mean really!
I feel as if I’ve lived about five lifetimes INSIDE this one ragged, crazy life!!
Clay that has been molded, then flattened out, then re molded,
over, and over, and over again.

A thousands suns have fired me into porcelain.
I’ve been broken, then glued.
I’ve been chipped…repeatedly.
I’m too fragile for everyday sometimes,
Too fancy.
But porcelain is shiny and it’s pretty.
And remarkably durable.
And I’ve lasted.

People used to be dead by 50!
These days we’re just hitting our stride by then.

In Kabbalah, that wonderful form of Jewish mysticism,
You don’t even get possession of life’s secrets until after 40.
What a gype, you were allowed all the answers,
then you died?

I don’t know about you, but the past me’s
bear little resemblance to the current me.
I can follow their trajectory to see how I got here,
but honestly, it could have gone any number of other ways!

Sometimes I’m right back in the 19 year old me’s skin,
looking thru her eyes, and she feels familiar, I can relate to her thoughts.
Other times, I can look at a picture of me at 26, 35, 47 and a complete
stranger stares back.

What I know for sure, is I’ve been, we’ve all been,
given the opportunity to take our time to evolve this time.
We’ve all lived several lives inside just this one.
And I for one, was not trusted with life’s secrets until after 50.
I didn’t have the gravitas, I couldn’t be trusted.

Not until the clay was molded into porcelain yet once again,
this time using all the broken pieces.

I’m having that Christmas morning feeling lately.
Even if you don’t celebrate Chistmas, I’m sure you know what
I’m taking about.
It’s that delicious feeling of anticipation, butterflies and all, that you get
in the lead up, and almost unbearably the night before, 
but by early Christmas morning you’ve almost lost your mind, from excitement.
too much sugar, and lack of sleep.

I’m ridiculous, I know, but I still get that feeling every year despite my best intentions.
A cold and cynical Grinch I will never be.

It must just be in the air, because there’s really no excuse!
The actual day is almost 6 weeks away.
The real lead up is….well it did start the day after Halloween,
but I have yet to hear a carol, so it hasn’t started yet in my world.

This feeling is like the excitement I associate with Christmas, but I know this 
time it’s unrelated.
I’m filled with optimism of something wonderful about to happen.
Not sure of the logistics.
Just sure of the miracle.
Kinda like flying reindeer and a fat man squeezing down a chimney.

The Universe, or Source, or God, is up to something.
Doesn’t matter if we’ve been naughty or nice.
Whew!!!

She’s hanging white twinkle lights and making everything feel special.
The future is wrapped up sweetly with a big bow.
Miracles are afoot
All bets are off
The jig is up.

Are you feeling it??

My most sincere thanks to “lifebeyondmywindow.wordpress.com” for this recognition! It is so very nice to have been thought of by another as deserving of this award, and it is special to me, both as a blogger but mostly as a person! Sorry for the delay in this post as I didn’t know the rules in “bloggers ville”!

Now, according to the requirements for this nomination, I get to choose 15 other people for this award. Unfortunately I’m new to the blogosphere, so I can only recommend 10 at this time.
( hope I’m not the first person who gets their award revoked)!

So, without any further delay, here are the ten others I would like to share this VBA Award with:

1. Lifebeyondmywindow.wordpress.com

2. Thedailylove.com

3. Claytonpaul.wordpress.com

4. Naturespeaceandhope.wordpress.com

5. Perspectivesfromthesky.wordpress.com

6. Ladyromp.wordpress.com

7. TheBraveTraveler.wordpress.com

8. Thewannabesaint.com

9. Leafoffaith.wordpress.com

10. Thepublicblogger.com

Next, I must write seven things about myself, so here goes:

1. Even though I’m a blonde..I think my hair underneath is totally grey
2. I love chocolate cookie dough RAW!
3. I had red hair for 10 years
4. I can kick ass at jacks
5 My favorite movie is Out of Africa
6 I love science fiction
7 my dream is to get locked overnight in the Vatican library or Bergdorf Goodman

Again thank you so much Life Beyond my Window for this nomination. And happy blogging!
Love,
Janet

I had a dream the other night that I was on a wide open plain,
riding a bike in a lightning storm.

It was really vivid at the time, and I can remember thinking
” well, this can’t be safe”! as I rode along, lightning all around me.
The interesting thing was that the flashes were limited to the horizon,
…and there was no thunder.

I completely forgot about it until later that day when something,
I can’t remember what, triggered the memory.
So I asked the universe for insight…cause that’s how I roll.
“Hey Universe, What did that dream mean”?

The answer I got was profound, but it also made me laugh.

It said you are seeking balance (the bicycle) 
inside your inspiration (the lightning).
How creative of the Universe to pick those images,
but also how PERFECT!

Lately I have been wondering a lot about balance.

When I was younger, balance was nonexistent.
I got a boyfriend, and lost myself so completely
that I couldn’t manage to comb my hair or go to work, let alone returns phone calls or see my friends! I was THAT girl. Ugh.

Total immersion had worked well for me in the past, but 
I’m not sure that’s the answer any more.

I’m feeling all this inspiration, but I often feel I’m riding a unicycle, 
spinning plates on a pole…in clown pants.

My life for a looooong time was very predictable.
Then I got married, and the plates got thrown in the air,
but I got used to that too.
Now as I’m embarking on this new life, of writing, and doing readings,
I’m not exactly sure how to integrate this with all things old.

Balance…what does that look like?
Old life…New life…
I think I may need training wheels on that bike in the storm
just for awhile.

Am I a writer?
Am I a teacher?
Am I a jeweler?
Am I a singer?
Which one am I? 
I NEED A LABEL, so total immersion can occur!

The conclusion I’m coming to is this,
No titles or labels.
Check in with my heart, then do what feels good.
If I want to write, then write!
Doesn’t matter if I’m a “writer”.

If I want to sing, for crissakes sing!
I don’t have to have the title “singer”.

Be in the moment doing what feels good,
Just do the best job I can, and the time for everything will present itself,
and eventually riding in that lightning storm,
won’t feel perilous at all…it will feel invigorating!