The Answer To A Million Prayers


Give me a gong, a bell or a chant and I am ……GONE. This is a stunningly beautiful video that I’ve been using the last week to help me chill out, and stay out of my monkey mind. Loose yourself in the visuals or close your eyes and let the monk’s voice carry you away. It’s seven minutes, I know….make the time. Reminiscent of the words from the full moon meditation…..The answer to a million prayers.
Have a lovely weekend!


The Answer To A Thousand Prayers


Restoring Order In Chaos


Last week I wrote about revisiting past traumas for healing.

That’s been working out well. The puppy is her demon self again.

This week has been about revisiting chaos…and finding, or better yet, restoring order.
At least I’m trying. And to be fair I’ve succeeded in several endeavors.
One of them has NOT been this blog.
Holy shit on a cracker; the transfer of this blog to a different host, and the cosmetic changes were supposed to appear overnight, while most of us slept; like the Easter bunny. Sorry Thailand.
But they have not and for that I’m sorry. One email read: it was like my parents moved and forgot to tell me! Ouch. I am so sorry…….cupcake?
In hindsight, this was probably not the week to try this. Lesson learned.
Remember the post about just accepting “what is”?
Yeah…trying to practice what I preach.
Just bear with me, don’t jump ship and be a fair weather follower.

I am known for being pretty darn organized. Not like my sister organized, but close.
Martha Stewart kneels at my sister’s feet in deference.
There is a black file cabinet, in the back office that is in a perpetual state of organized chaos. You know, like that drawer in the kitchen.
There has been some denial disguised as paperwork, that has been screaming for my attention, and it finally received it this week. You know that sinking feeling as you walk by that shit? I’m determined to un-sink my life right now.
I blame this freaky energy.
Hot pink Post It’s are like 911, top priority, PAY ATTENTION TO ME NOW, don’t keep walking; in my system.
One folder that has a big hot pink Post It on it, is labeled Domaine Names.
That folder is filthy dirty and all curled in on itself, like a dead spider, after being salvaged from the water of my store’s flood. On the outside of the folder, barely legible, are all the account passwords and the nuclear codes.
I have been receiving emails from Go Daddy about the domaine names expiring for weeks. Each one escalates its urgency. Large fees are mentioned, automatic renewal, blah, blah. I don’t want to renew. Go online, right? Trouble is; I can hardly read the passwords, and they don’t work.
This is going to require phone time. With an automated system. I’d rather have needles stuck in my eye, so I’ve just walked by it…for a looooong time. Today I called and after giving my social, my tax ID number, my SAT scores and my bra size, I was transferred directly to Tad. His condescension was only exceed by Jeffrey’s this morning at my Web hosting provider, so I’m used to it. It’s like breathing air to me now, just part of life. The painful experience was over in half a second, like eyebrow waxing; aided by the fact that the credit card on account had expired. Why didn’t they just say that in an email?
Another end to THAT story.
I’m going to make a ceremony out of shredding that file.
I do that in life with things that annoy me. When I no longer required birth control, I took my diaphram out in the backyard, poked tens of holes in it with a sparkler, and lit it on fire. We have pictures.

Literally half of the top drawer of that large file cabinet is devoted to stock accounts, or should I say PAST stock accounts. I was very active in the stock market in the 90′s and it helped me buy my house. Thankfully, I was out of the market before this latest crash. I get statements from ETrade every month, which I never open…but I file them, as I have since 1995.
What I did do in August of 2001 was to create a custodial account for my nephew, who was 5 at the time. I bought him a few shares of Disney and Krispy Kreme, kid’s stuff. A month later was 911 and I remember looking at a statement and the account had lost more than half it’s value.
The next time I opened a statement before yesterday was 2008 and it looked bleak.
So, I’d just file them away, unopened. Yesterday, walking back to the chaos of the abyss, it dawned on me that he’s about to turn 18 in two weeks. In California, at 18 he can legally take possession of that money. He’s also graduating high school, and off to college in the fall. I opened the statement and holy shit, there’s some real money in that account now. I got on the phone with Hank at ETrade (passwords were obsolete from lack of use) and they’re sending a check. I toyed with the idea of just transferring the account to him instead of a check, but….he’s 18. That’s the difference between getting a polite “Thank you” and a hug. I’m going for the hug. There was also a windfall of $15 left in one of the old stock accounts, so yipeeeee, I’m rich! Drinks all around!

The ending of both of those past experiences makes me SO freaking happy.
I can crumple up that hot pink Post It, shred that file and take great pleasure in putting another nail in the coffin of my dearly departed Atik.
And that little stock account that could? Hell, it actually produced some money and my brain cells fired to remind me, all at the perfect time.

It’s been a productive week so far.
How about you?
I’d love to hear some chaos restoring stories.
Is this energy pushing you to put things in order?
Tell me about it below.



The Lost Art Of Humility

imageThe Lost Art of Humility

I saw an interview recently of a young, huge hit maker, music industry mega star. I can’t for the life of me remember who it was. For the sake of this post I will call that malady: menopause brain. It is similar to pregnancy brain, or so I’m told. I used to have total recall, but since 50 that has gone the way of perky boobs and flat abs.

Here’s a funny or sad story, you decide. I was talking to a friend the other day, on my cell phone, while rifling frantically through my purse, looking for my cell phone. I told her I had to hang up and try to find my phone, so could she please call it so I see if I could hear it ring? There was just silence on the other end. I’m sure she was dialing 911 on her land line. When I realized what was happening, I laughed so hard I almost pee’d my pants. Ugh… I’m turning into my mother.

Anyway….this young guy displayed a trait you don’t see much of these days in the mega famous. Humility. It was so refreshing, it was like a glass of ice water in hell.
He was asked how he felt about all his success, and he said: I would not be here if it weren’t for the people around me.


The interviewer pressed on: Well, what about this great thing, or that great hit? That’s just talent, right?
The very humble star continued: I had a music teacher in middle school that saw something in me, if he hadn’t, who knows where I’d be. I wasn’t good in school, I would have fallen through the cracks.
I had a mom that believed I was special. If she hadn’t, I might still be back in Virginia, doing who knows what.
I had a mentor, a producer that took a chance on my first CD. It wasn’t successful, but it allowed me to learn. If I hadn’t had that experience, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Those people changed the trajectory of his life and he is forever grateful.
I fucking love that.
There are too many stars, too many successful people, that buy into their own hype. They start to forget how things began, how they evolved, and all the people and the steps it took to get to the top.
They have no desire to pay it forward. They pay tribute to no one. They are legends in their own minds, because everyone tells them they are. They are surrounded by “yes” men and women who are all on the payroll.
They can’t find the time to mentor; they’re too busy looking in the mirror.

We all are NOTHING without the people around us.
I’ll take it a step further. We are all CONNECTED.
As one person is raised up, we are all raised up.
Come on people, let’s all remember to look back and lend a hand.
To pay tribute to those that saw our potential, even when we couldn’t.
To affirm humility above bravado.
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some bravado when it’s earned, but for God’s sake, if you had a mentor; and you probably did; mentor someone in whom you see potential.
Pay it forward.

Success is tenuous and delicate. Don’t take it for granted.
I’ll say it again. We all are NOTHING without the people around us.
You know who they are. They give you the support, the confidence, the love, the big breaks. Give them some props man.

I had a music teacher, Ed Archer, who saw vocal potential. I had a sixth grade nun, Sister Mary Gabrielle, who instilled the love of learning and books. My mom said I could do anything, she was my mom so I believed her. My husband thinks I’m funny. He’s French and they think Jerry Lewis and the Three Stooges are funny and I don’t; but I’ll include him anyway. These are the ones that immediately come to mind, I know there are more. Stay tuned…

Tell me whatcha think. Who changed the trajectory of your life?
Who has been your biggest champion, believer, mentor?
Who saw/sees your potential?
I’d love to hear from you!



Whatever You Do, Don’t Hold Your Breath (Reprise)

Whatever You Do, Don't Hold Your Breath
*So..its been a very tech glitchy morning. Duh! Apparently anyone who follows this blog didn’t get the link to the meditation. After I ran around screaming and pulling my hair out, I remembered what I just wrote and made some corrections. Here”s the version I intended with the link. Listen,it’s worth it. xox

I went to the amazing Diana’s full moon meditation Monday night. The evening was warm and the wind chime’s tones were in concert with the blood moon energy.

During her lead up talk, Diana guided us: Just like when the teacher calls your name and you respond PRESENT…HERE…I AM HERE. Acknowledging in your heart that you are present now, for this, at this time.
And for some reason, that made several of us tear up. It touched my heart. It felt open and willing with a childlike innocence.
During the meditation, a soft, calming voice said to me:
My Darlings, this is the answer to a million prayers. Millions of you have prayed: What if the world could awaken overnight? This is the energy that will do it. Every plant, animal and human being on the planet will be touched and changed.
If you use the analogy of a tsunami, right now, all the water had been pulled off shore and out to sea. That is why so many are having a feeling of great anticipation. You sense something is coming. That big wave is coming in the next two weeks, and you will see a change.

Uh…holy cow, okay.
Maybe I have prayed that prayer after watching the latest endless newsfeed before bed. I am one of the millions.
It sometimes seems like a hopeless cause, this planet we inhabit.
After last night we all felt…hopeful.

This is a time of immense change, but change can be good. We need change right now.
We need the water to go out, and come back full of new life.
I know I do. I think you do too.
The energy the next two weeks is big. Like epic, kick some ass, change the world big. The astrological implications are ridiculous!
So…stay calm, carry on.
Don’t make any big decisions just yet.
Whatever you do, DONT RESIST ANYTHING. That will feel like shit. Just go with it.
Anger is resistance.
Fear is resistance.
Impatience is resistance.
Depression is resistance.
Separation is resistance.
Disappointment is resistance.
Loneliness is resistance.
Anxiety is resistance.
Desperation is resistance.
Resistance is not accepting WHAT IS.
Please, just accept it…for now.
And whatever you do, don’t hold your breath.

Here is a link to the Full Moon Meditation from Diana Lang (
If you don’t have the full half hour, the meditation starts at around 16 mins.

I’d love to hear feedback on any and all effects of this big full moon energy.
If you think someone could benefit from this post, pass it on!



Like A Room Without A Roof

Like A Room Without A Roof

“Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof.” (Because I’m happy)
That’s a lyric from the mondo hit “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. Which I sing…at the top of my lungs…in…my…car. Yep that’s me next to you on the 101 fwy. Deal with it, or better yet, sing along.

That’s my favorite lyric because it brings so many things to mind:
1) I freaking love to sing loudly in the car, with the sunroof open, with complete abandon. THAT makes me happy, AND it’s a car without a roof. Close enough.

2) It’s from the movie Despicable Me 2, which I LOVE. My husband IS Gru, ask anyone. Gruff exterior with a sweet, soft, gooey caramel inside.
I want a minion…badly. To speak their gibberish to me, make me laugh and carry out all my evil deeds.

3) I embrace the thought that happiness can be uncontainable. That you can have such moments of bliss that your energy is too big to hold together. I’ve talked about it before, I believe that when we are non-physical we are enormous, without limits. So, to be able to capture a moment here and there of that limitless feeling, through happiness…I’ll take it!

4) I had an experience with a shaman, back in the day, of remembering a past life as an initiate in ancient Egypt. In that life, I was a young girl, around 10-11 years old. In the Egyptian mystery schools they would put us through a series of initiations. I had lived in the Temple since I was a very small child. We were all intuitive and studied ancient spells and magic. If we passed our initiations, we would continue on to the next level. If we failed we …died. OUCH. Those damn Egyptians weren’t as freaked out by death as we are now. It was just the next adventure, so to them it was a win, win.
I was put in a ten foot by ten foot stone “room” with a dirt floor. The objective was to get out. I was given no food, no water, and no clues.
Once the stone door was closed the room was pitch black. Like blink your eyes, and they still don’t adjust, can’t see your own hand in front of your face black. I experienced great fear, with the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. For many, many hours I just laid balled up in a corner, after halfheartedly feeling my way around. It felt like all hope was lost. I felt for a way to open the door, but I couldn’t fit my tiny fingers into the seams where it met the wall, they were that tight. I don’t remember the ancient Egyptian word for “I’m screwed”, but I’m sure I was saying it over and over in my head. I gave up, forgot my magic and slept a lot.
After what seemed like a couple of days, I got a sudden spike of determination and courage. A second wind. Really it was a first wind and was like a lightbulb went off over my head…almost literally. It felt like I could “see” the solution in my mind’s eye.
I crawled along, feeling every inch of the floor for a trap door. Nothing. I felt the cold stone walls for any clue of a lever, or a latch. Nothing. In a moment of despair, I laid flat on my back looking up into the darkness.
“Help me” I whispered.
What about the ceiling?
Now, with a different objective in mind, I felt the walls for a place to hold onto in order to make the climb up. After hours of running my forearms up and down the walls, I felt small bits of stone protruding. It was not an easy climb, even for a 10 year old spider monkey, and I still couldn’t see a thing, but the ceiling wasn’t that high, maybe 8-9 feet. As I strained to push my open hand against it….it moved. It was a fairly lightweight panel that with a good shove could be moved up and open to freedom. A room without a roof.
You wanna know what happened next? Nothing. There was no one there to say good job, or care that I made it out alive. That was the nature of the game.
I walked toward a faint light in the distance to look for water and something to eat. It hurt my eyes.

So…a room without a roof.
I try to remember that experience, when I think my back is up against the wall, with diminishing options.
Think outside the box. Look up. People never think to look up.
You may be in a room without a roof. Climb out.

What does “room without a roof” mean to you? Do you share my passion for singing in the car? Come on! Fess up in the comments below.



The Right Moment

The Right Moment

You might be waiting for things to settle down. For the kids to be old enough, for work to calm down, for the economy to recover, for the weather to cooperate, for your bad back to let up just a little…
The thing is, people who make a difference never wait for just the right time. They know that it will never arrive.
Instead, they make their ruckus when they are short of sleep, out of money, hungry, in the middle of a domestic mess and during a blizzard. Whenever.
As long as whenever is now.
~Seth Godin~


Important Perspective

Important Perspective

Maybe too heavy for a Sunday…I always need the reminder.


And That’s What It’s All About!

And That's What It's All About!

Happy Weekend!


Pissing Off My Dad…Again

Pissing Off My Dad...Again

Steve Jobs said: You can’t connect the dots looking forward – only backwards. Today it appears that everything I chose to study played a key role in my life and business success. Maybe it was destiny? I prefer to think it was the power of a generalist education helping me pull together disparate areas of knowledge to build a business.

I’m writing this for all the kids getting their college admission/rejection letters right about now, my nephew included. Pretend you dug up a time capsule in your backyard, and this was inside…from your future self. I wish I’d left this for me.

Many of us are under the mistaken impression that there is only one way to the top of the mountain. That mountain being happiness/success. By the way, they are not mutually exclusive as some in the spiritual community might have you to believe.
That is old, dusty, musty, crusty thinking. That is SO 1978.

My father drilled into us kids that finding a job, preferably in his profession, and then staying there 45 years until retirement, was THE way to go. That’s what his father did, and what he and his brother emulated. Lots of hard work and long hours, with little time for family, would lead to your rise up the rungs of the company ladder, and who could ask for a better life?
Uh…all three of us kids? Much to his disappointment. That was SO 1952.

It is not uncommon today for someone to change jobs, especially in the tech fields, every 18-24 months. Things be a movin’ and a shakin’.
My father is doing cartwheels in his grave.
You know what he thought of people like that? “Jack of all trades, master of none.”
That was SO 1960.

What about this little nugget. It is imperative that anyone who wants to succeed in life get a college degree.
Haven’t we ALL heard that? Guess who didn’t finish college?
Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, and my buddy, Steve Jobs. I can call him that, because he has a seat at my imaginary round table. More on that another time.
Most entrepreneurs get bored and annoyed with school. They are also terrible employees. They can be fuck-ups early on, later maturing into great leaders.
The schools that give them honorary degrees and invite them to give commencement addresses, would not admit them as students today.
I’m not advocating dropping out, I’m just sayin’…
The average net worth of billionaires who dropped out of college, $9.4 billion, is approximately triple that of billionaires with Ph.D.s, $3.2 billion. Even if one removes Bill Gates, who left Harvard University and is now worth $66.0 billion, college dropouts are worth $5.3 billion on average, compared to those who finished only bachelor’s degrees, who are worth $2.9 billion. According to a recent report from Cambridge-based Forrester Research, 20% of America’s millionaires never attended college.

So that kinda blows that theory to hell.

Check out the big brain on Janet, with all the statistics. ;-)
Thank you copy/paste.

What Steve (Jobs) was insinuating in the quote at the top, was that the more well rounded individuals may have a leg up on the one way mountain climbers.
They definitely have more fun on the way up. The student that graduates at the top of his class may not end up being as successful as the guy voted: Most likely to live in a van, down by the river.

If you study music, it can facilitate a career in mathematics and physics.
Theatre arts backgrounds help with public speaking and group leadership skills.
Foreign travel aids in resiliency, problem solving, risk taking and general “up for anythingness.”
Being artistic and learning other languages forms new neuro pathways that keep the brain elastic, open to new concepts and creatively innovative.
That is a generalist education. Knowledge in many fields.

So kids, those of us in our 40′s ,50′s and 60′s that were the theatre geeks, the artsy fartsy, free thinking, good with our hands, crafty, able to take stuff apart and put it back together and have it work better than the original, (I’m talking to you, Jim). We paved the way, with Steve, for the appreciation of a generalist education as a stepping stone to success.
You’re welcome.

Tell me about your road to success and happiness. Was it a straight line?
Did you take detours along the way that helped? Please, start a conversation in the comments below.



Calling All Unresolved Traumas

Calling All Unresolved Traumas

According to astrologists, we are in for quite a ride the next two weeks. To me the energy feels like a speedball. It either makes me shaky and speedy, like 10 cups of high octane Italian espresso or so sleepy I’m afraid to drive or operate heavy machinery, like my sonic care toothbrush.
Things feel incredibly tense, there could be some back biting and sharp tongues.
Maybe that’s just at my house.

Regardless, they’ll be lots of revisiting of painful situations for healing. Lots of clearing out and letting go…you know, April. April, for me, has always been a “mutha” of a month. Powerful change, ego adjustments, clearing, break ups, deaths…all the fun stuff I can’t stand.

“There can be a deep shift or psychological adjustment to an old, sad emotional space in your soul today. Work with any power struggles to help shift the energy.”

Oh goodie.
That was one of the tidbits from the highlight reel of my life for the next two weeks.
After taking in all this doom and gloom information, I decided to just “be advised” and go on with life as usual. I will try to breathe through the shit, and lend a hand to those that get stuck in it. That someone could be me, so I decided to wear my waders.

Here’s what has happened so far this week; It’s Wednesday….Yeah.
Three years ago, with the demise of my store, and all the legal hassles that followed, while we were negotiating the rent settlement with the landlord, he put a lien on our home. Total asshat move and just another lesson learned while swimming with the sharks. Once all the judgements were satisfied, I wanted the lien removed. ASAP. I heard nothing. I would periodically email, or ask my attorney the status, but to be honest here, when I didn’t get the paperwork or hear back, I feared I would have to take more legal action, and I just wasn’t up to it. Swimming with sharks is exhausting and demoralizing and I needed a rest.
It has been two years now, and it’s been hanging over my head. You know, that thing that you know you HAVE to do, but the thought of it makes you sorry you’re a grown up and you feel like you want to puke?
So I composed another email to the principal asshat. The one that I’ve had the hardest time forgiving. I squirmed through the whole process. It was short and to the point: Remove the lien from my home…Now…Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
He waited a few days, and yesterday sent all the paperwork and PDF’s that showed he had done it the day I asked; years ago. My less than competent lawyer never filed it with the county. Note to self: Lawyers on contingency are always busy with the paying clients. My case was filed under “small potatoes” and treated as such, buried in dirt….we’ll label that Lesson #1124.
So with a bit of minor paper shuffling, I AM DONE WITH THAT.
That sad, sucky situation has been revisited…and cleared. What a freaking relief.

So that was the high yesterday. The low happened in the afternoon.
Our little four month old Boxer-shark puppy had been acting lethargic for a couple of days. We tried to cover our glee with concern. She was docile and mellow, and it was heaven, but it wasn’t right. She stayed home with me yesterday, just sleeping and re enacting the deathbed scene from “Terms of Endearment.” Big sad eyes, stoically smiling through her pain. At 3pm I became the mother from that movie, when suddenly I had to rush her to the vet. She had woken up limp and shaking, and unable to walk on her left leg. I drove the three miles to the Vet in two and a half minutes, yelling back at her limp, sad face to hold on. Once there, I found out our little tripod was running a very high fever. They couldn’t see much in the X-rays. They couldn’t explain the high fever. So…to the specialist we went. My husband, who loves dogs more than people, joined me, and we rushed her, in rush hour, to the Spendy Vet. Spendy Vet is where you go at 3am, or drive a hundred miles an hour to get to. It costs minimum $500 to walk in the door, and it means you have a very sick animal.
We had done this exact drive to this exact facility in 2007 with our old boxer girl Penelope. She just started one day to have horrible seizures. Pancreatitis was suspected…go see the specialists. We took her for tests, and the next day, when we went to visit her, we were told the prognosis was so bleak, we had no choice but to put her down. It was so unexpected and traumatic. I’ll never forget it. Either will my husband. He told me on the drive over yesterday, that he purposely avoids that section of Sepulveda Blvd, because he can’t stand to see that building. The wound is still too fresh. And here we are, on our way there, with our sick baby puppy.
We were only there an hour total and the situation couldn’t have been more different than before. Yes, she was really sick, but they assured us, she was so young and going to be fine. Everyone was petting her and kissing her, and the doctor owned boxers, so he received my husbands seal of approval. Which is very hard to come by. When they called early this morning, her fever had broken and she was in all her wild puppiness once again.
So, we revisited a VERY sad and painful situation, going back to the scene of the crime, so to speak, and had a completely different and actually lovely outcome.
Maybe my husband can stop his self inflicted detours and drive past that building now. That’s a huge healing.

If this is what the energy is bringing, I think I can do this. So far so good. It does feel like a speeding train and I want to put my big Fred Flintstone foot out and slow this puppy down. But that’s highly unadvisable. 
These are yucky, sucky, sticky, painful situations that needed clearing. It feels shitty, until you get to the other side. Easy for me to say today, let’s see what happens the next two weeks.
Hey, nice thing is; we’re all in this together.

Are you revisiting your own painful situations for clearing? How is this big energy affecting you? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.


One woman's sassy, messy, journey through life

If you think your friends would like what I have to say, sign 'um up!

A Picture’s Worth A Thousand Words
im a turtle
A Blast From The Past
%d bloggers like this: