This was written waaaaay back in the fifteen minutes when I was eating healthy. But the questions are more useful than ever!
The house is still. It’s the middle of the night, so that’s appropriate.
The only sound I can hear is the whrrrrr of the refrigerator motor, which spends its nights keeping my kale and green drink ingredients fresh.
Damn you stainless steel box of cold air (yelled dramatically while waving a fist).
Why can’t my protein, vegetable laden juices taste like a chocolate malt?
Is that too much to ask?
I’m submitting a formal complaint right here and now. This healthy shit has GOT to start tasting better…or else…
My refrigerator has undergone a recent renaissance.
It seems to follow my life’s trajectory. It’s all cleanses, and bitter greens and shit.
I’m home most days writing, so I give myself very few choices so I won’t cheat on fat infused deliciousness. As a matter of fact, there is nothing delicious within a three-mile radius. I’d have to get in my car and drive to get it, and my laziness overrules any craving for carbs, so I think technically, I’m not an addict, which gives me some solace.
What I am is a clear channel…with a bad attitude…in dire need of a cheeseburger.
Back in the day, for about two decades, the freezer in my apartment contained two things: vodka and cigarettes (if you’re just the casual smoker, keeping cigs in the freezer keeps them fresh) not even an ice cube dared show its face. Later ground coffee replaced the cigarettes.
Quick story about how THAT happened.
Back in ’93 when I had my first “energy work” done, a friend came by the apartment to get the skinny. Remember, I had been violently ill for three days.
She was a regular, so she knew about the cigscicles and since she could tell my story was going be juicy, and warrant a smoke, she walked over to the kitchen, which was just to the left of where I was sitting, on the couch, and opened the freezer. Suddenly, she stepped back like she saw a ghost – and slammed the thing shut.
I watched it all happen, puzzled.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her with my head tilted sideways like a dog hearing a high pitched whistle.
My friend still standing in front of the closed freezer door says, “A voice just told me: DONT SMOKE AROUND HER!”
“I’d better go.”
Man, the disembodied voices in my apartment in those days were bossy! (PS. Nothing’s changed.)
“Sit your ass down, I’ve got a story to tell.” I barked from the other room.
And THAT was the end of my casual smoking. I tried one occasionally in the years that followed but they made me feel awful, and when something stops being fun, I quit doing it.
Think Jane Fonda Workouts and hot yoga.
So, back to the middle of the night as I tossed and turned and awfulized; mulling over this decision or that.
I finally made the first decision and that was to switch my brain from FU mode to productive mode, remembering all the recent things I’ve heard and read on making life altering choices and decisions.
So, to save you the obsessing, the time, and trouble, here is a list of the things you should ask yourself:
1) Will I regret not making this change? (Regrets are like walking around with a wet coat on. They are killjoys.)
2) Why exactly am I hesitant/ indecisive? Make a list. (The list that you make in light of day will always be shorter than the phone book sized one you make at three AM…just sayin’).
3) What doors will close if I make this change? Do I care? (That one makes my butt cheeks clench)
4) Which choice will make the better story? (Kinda like the movie viewing analogy from Saturday’s post.)
5) How does the choice or change FEEL? (That really should be number one. Check your kishke.)
6) What’s the worst thing that can happen? (Rewind your three AM worries, they’re ALL there).
7) What’s the BEST thing that can happen? (Tiny little list, usually written on a Post-It with a question mark at the end. )
8) What would I tell my best friend to do? (Sans all jealousy, competitiveness, and ego).
9) What’s the “next right thing” to do to stay free of ego? (In other words, check your motivation. Is it pure? Not really? THERE’S your answer.)
10) What choice or change would make me the proudest in five years? (That’s often the clincher for me. Can’t say I’m too proud of myself when I play it safe.)
There you have it. I hope this helps. Clarity is key to making the best choices. That and chocolate.
Love you all,