Several Steps To Helping The “Strong Ones”
When I walked up to my husband I had tears in my eyes. That is NOT a common occurrence, so he looked at the picture I had in my hand, that I had walked over to show him. It was the photo above. He’s a “major weeper” around me, so he became a puddle in seconds.
You know why?
We are both “strong people”and no one EVER asks us how we’re doing or if we’re okay.
Does that happen to you?
It’s really not that people don’t care to ask you, they just don’t think of it.
We know that about the world, so we ask each other, with the promise that we aren’t allowed to answer with the obligatory I’m fine, if that’s not the the case.
Complete honesty is required. We have earned each other’s trust, so it releases us of any reservations about letting our guard down.
Being strong is a blessing and a curse.
I’ve had some really nasty shit happen to me in my life, and basically everyone around me just assumes I’m going to be “fine.” I always am, so they’re right.
I have screamed, in anger at whomever was in the room, “what do I have to do? Bleed? Does blood have to pour out my eyes in order for you to see how much emotional pain I’m in?”
The response was always the same. “I just figured you were okay.”
I love that I instill that level of confidence in people, but for Gods sakes, ASK me if I’m okay.
Ask me how I’m feeling. Ask me how it’s going, or if I need help, because I’m a big girl and I’ll let you know if you have overstepped my emotional boundary, although that’s pretty hard to do.
I’ve talked recently to many other strong people I know, to ask them what they need when something goes down.
I’m going to give you a few simple steps in my GUIDE TO HELPING THE STRONG:
Sometimes us strong ones, we need a hug. If you’re too uncomfortable to talk to me, hug me. I promise, I won’t ever push you away.
Just a simple “I’m here for you” when you don’t know what to say to us, is beyond appreciated.
We’ve heard “You’ve got this” all our lives, and we do, because we’re the strong ones, so please don’t say that.
If we ever get from you the opportunity, willingness to listen and the space to vent, please let us. We won’t self indulge and stay there long, we’re the strong ones, it just helps us process.
We will NEVER call YOU in the middle of the night, that has not been OUR role. WE get the calls. So, if you know something has just gone down, like a death or a huge loss, firing, humiliation, fight, whatever….call us.
If I cry, let me. I promise, it’s not the end of the world.
Don’t try to get me to stop, or tell me I’m overreacting.
I can assure you, I’m not.
People HATE to see strong people vulnerable. It scares the fuck out of them.
I KNOW several of my love affairs have ended because I showed vulnerability and upset the dynamics of the relationship. I was supposed to be the “strong one.
If you’re one of the the strong ones, you’re welcome; and…..email this to all your friends and family, because they are at a loss as to how to handle you.
If you know a strong one, please take this to heart.
You strong ones, do you have anything to add?
What helps you?
Do you have a strong one around you? Did this help you to understand how to navigate them better?
I’d love to hear about what YOU think.