Epic Fail or Epic Win Finale!
My reasons for sharing all of this are two fold.
The first is purely selfish I must admit!
I still have a dark pocket of pain around this situation that holds me down.
And I’m finally done!
I’m done with the shame.
I’m done being scared.
I’m done feeling unworthy.
I’m done not trusting myself because I think I led ME astray.
I’m done punishing myself
And I’m done being diminished.
And by that I mean living a small and non abundant life,
Because I think that’s what I deserve.
Here’s where the Epic Win comes in!
I NEVER would be writing this blog had things stayed the same.
This energy has been wanting a conduit for 20 years
and I wouldn’t allow it.
Not as a jeweler, because I felt safe,
and not as a store owner because I never had a minute.
But the real reason was:
I wasn’t in enough pain.
There! I said it!
The pain made me do it!
And it’s been such a gift.
So now that I’ve found this outlet of writing,
I wanted to share my feelings at the same time I was processing
all the curious things that happened around the loss of my business.
It has been cathartic…and extremely uncomfortable.
Re living these events can bring me right back to the smells,
the sounds, and most importantly now,
now that I’m finally able to
really process them…the feelings.
I was in “get it done” mode, so I stayed pretty numb.
I’m done with numb!
When you numb sadness you also numb joy.
That is a price I’m no longer willing to pay.
I’m not certain if it was just that it’s the same time of year,
or that four years have passed,
Wow! It seems like a million…or the day before yesterday.
Maybe it’s my newfound commitment to vulnerability,
But I felt compelled to share this story via my blog.
What I know for SURE is we all experience a wake up call in our lives.
It can be disguised as an accident or an illness,
A panic attack at three in the morning,
a divorce or break up,
the death of a loved one,
or a profound loss.
It leaves us open and raw and ready for change.
So there you go!
That’s the second reason.
Everyone’s life looks so shiny and perfect from the outside.
But here’s the thing, we all have our shit.
You are not alone!
Here’s MY expensive, crazy, messy, miracle inducing,
Wake up call.
It’s changed me in ways I can’t even express.
But it didn’t kill me.
I’m a grown up now, my eyes are WIDE OPEN, and that’s a good thing.
I feel endless empathy for people going through their hardships.
“Been there, done that” big hug.
I’m kinder, more compassionate and thoughtful.
I’m over pretending things are great when they’re not,
so I’m an open book,
(much to my husband’s chagrin, because he’s still pretty private).
And I’m reaching out and helping people.
At least that’s my intention.
Thanks for indulging me,
Now tell me your Epic Fail/Epic Win stories.